The barrel of the gun – I don’t know what type it was; I don’t know guns – was beginning to hurt the bridge of my nose.
“I’ll give you until the count of three and then you’re losing this nose, right? One -”
“I don’t have them!”
“I swear if I had them, I would have sold them to you weeks ago!”
“The basement! They’re in the basement!”
The gun eased off my nose.
“You don’t ‘ave a basement.”
“I do. It’s hidden. The hatch is hidden. Underneath the rug.”
I gestured towards the living room floor.
“There ain’t no rug. There’s just a floor.”
“The rug is designed to look like a floor.”
“Thats an ‘ardwood floor.”
“It’s a rug. Believe me, I know, I paid a lot of money for it.”
“Hang on. Jimmy, get me my knife. Thanks. Stand here wiv ‘im. I’m gonna go check out this ‘rug.'”
Jimmy pushed his gun barrel into my nose. Christ.
“Wot’s it made out of?” came the voice from the living room.
“It’s just . . . rug. I don’t know. It’s made out of rug!”
“Feels like ‘ardwood. I don’t wanna ruin my knife stabbing into ‘ardwood!”
There was a pause.
“Bloody ‘ell. Jimmy, this ‘ere ‘ardwood floor is actually a rug! It cuts through like a rug. Aw, this is brilliant! Just brill -”
There was some silence.
“Bruv?” Jimmy called into the living room, “Bruv, wot you find?”
There was some more silence.
“Where’d ‘e go?” Jimmy asked me.
“How do I know? I’m in here with you.”
“Bruv! Hold on. Don’t move outta that chair.”
Jimmy went into living room.
Jimmy came back from the living room.
“Wot you do to him, eh?! Wot you do to im?!”
Jimmy had discovered the lump in the flooring.
“He’s probably in a lot of pain, Jimmy. You’d better cut him out.”
Jimmy ran to get a knife. I waited until the struggling stopped and went to investigate the living room.
The two lumps in the flooring wriggled a bit, but they were pretty snug in there.
I sat down and patted the floor.
“I’m sorry they hurt you, love. I tried to avoid it, but they got pushy. Tomorrow, it’s back to rabbits.”
The flooring undulated a little bit. Its wounds had already scabbed over. There’d be a bit of buffing in my future.
“I’m off to bed. Wake me if you need anything.”
It didn’t need anything.